One hard reality that I had to face was coming to the realization that I am not for everybody. Not everyone will like me and all the people that do like me, aren’t entitled to me.
This has been something that I’ve always struggled with. I am a being that loves to take things personal (my partner ALWAYS calls me out on it). From my career to my personal life I just always like to think the way people interact with me always has to do solely with me.
In moving back to my hometown, I made one challenge to myself: Be present (as if my current form of present wasn’t meeting some sort of standard). What did this mean? If I got invited somewhere, I went. If someone called me, I answered. If someone needed me, I was there. If a friend wanted to me travel somewhere, I went. In the process, the major discovery has been the premise of this post: I AM NOT FOR EVERYBODY AND THE PEOPLE I AM FOR ARE NOT ALWAYS ENTITLED TO ME!
That realization came from the fact that I was mentally and emotionally draining myself within this short period of time! That was not me. I am not that person that enjoys giving myself at all moments. I am my most happiest curled up in my bed watching Grey’s Anatomy (post coming soon). I noticed that in this time I was physically present but I wasn’t giving my authentic self. I was spending unnecessary money, doing things I probably didn’t even want to do, and by the time I got dressed and left the house was regretting my decision to even do it in the first place. I realized my definition of “present” was tarnished when I made my initial challenge to myself. I was letting society dictate my social interactions and my previous form of present was enough. (**Shameless Plug** if you haven’t already check out my previous blog post Untitled).
When I reflect on my current social interactions, they work because everybody I allow to share my space with serves a divine purpose in my life. I have social interactions that fulfill me intellectually. I have social interactions that fulfill me spiritually. I have social interactions that fulfill my inner ratchet. I have social interactions that fulfill me physically. The similarity about all these interactions is that each fulfillment most times comes from a single being.
What did I learn? I learned I am a being that enjoys moderate social interactions in a more intimate one on one setting. I learned it’s ok to say no. I learned everybody I was breaking my neck to “be present” for wouldn’t do the same for me. I learned it’s ok to take time for yourself. I learned that the people that don’t understand all of this probably aren’t worthy of my time or space. I learned to take mental health breaks from social media. I learned I don’t need a seat at every table.
After reflecting on everything that I learned and making adjustments to my social interaction based on my level of comfortability, I now call this balance (again the Libra in me). I now call this protecting my peace. I now call this happiness.
“No is a powerful word. To me, it’s the single most powerful word in the English language. Said clearly, strongly and with enough frequency and force, it can alter the course of history.” – Shonda Rhimes