Hello everyone! I will be guest blogging on LeaveInspiredTysheira’s blog for the next four weeks discussing my personal journey with the three types of love. Check it out below and check out LeaveInspiredTysheira’s blog as well!
I want to take a moment to be vulnerable with you all and discuss the three types of loves you’ll come by in your lifetime. I got this inspiration from an article that I read entitled, “We Only Fall in Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime — Each One for a Specific Reason.” In this article, they decipher three types of loves you’ll experience: The Love that Looks Right, The Hard Love, and The Love that Last. For the next four weeks, I want to take you through my journey with all three of those loves and let you all in on what I’ve learned in the process.
For the first week, let’s talk about “The Love the Looks Right” for purposes of this blog post let’s call him “First Bae.” I went with him while in high school and if you ask me if we’d be together forever I’d scream and shout, “YES!” (I even have some embarrassing Facebook post to prove it). I grew up in a very sheltered household so it was not what you saw on the TV screens of going to a carnival and sharing your first kiss on the Ferris wheel rather it was stealing a first kiss in the hallways of our high school while no one was watching (because if people were watching I’d immediately act like I didn’t even know him). Thinking back, I don’t even think we ever even had an actual date.
This was a young love so we didn’t talk about our goals and future rather we spoke about some materialistic item we wanted next. Hindsight being 20/20 this was probably for the best because in high school who can adequately say what their goals are for the next 10 years. Heck, I didn’t even know what I would be doing in the next year let alone 10! I think the one goal that we ever talked about that is still in my memory is growing up and celebrating Christmas with one another someday with kids and in our home (Cute right?)
This was a love where I was very shy and not really knowing myself so oftentimes our conversations were very hard (on my end mostly) because I didn’t even know how to talk to boys on a more intimate level. I can recall conversations we would have and I would literally just repeatedly say, “I don’t know” to any and everything he would ask (I cringe at my communication skills within this relationship looking back). To give more background, I was in this relationship when social media was just beginning and we were transitioning from Tagged and MySpace to Facebook, text messages were not unlimited, and minutes weren’t free until after 9 PM and on weekends. So this didn’t help that most of our interactions were either via the phone or internet and I still was a horrible communicator.
This was a love that scratched so many surfaces but didn’t hit the ground running because of my societal beliefs of what a relationship should and shouldn’t be (read my blog post “Untitled” to get an update on my current mindset). During this relationship, I had a strong belief system that was jaded by the media and how I viewed other relationships because I had no personal experiences on what a relationship looked like. I held this relationship to so many standards that I thought all relationships must be held up to. This was a relationship where I always had a backup plan and I always felt he was expendable and when I finally allowed myself to be more vulnerable, it was too late.
This love ended due to infidelity. The ending was pure and far from messy. Not saying I didn’t go through the breakup emotions but it was like we both saw it coming. This was the most organic breakup I ever had probably because neither of us were truly invested in it from the inception. We both took the relationship for exactly what is was and walked away from it. Til’ this day First Bae and I still communicate twice a year to tell each other Happy Birthday.
But what did this love do for me? As with all relationships, it showed me the things I need to improve in as a partner. This love introduced me to what it meant to finally be vulnerable in a situation. This love taught me how to lighten up and not hold people to such high standards (a trait that would later come and bite me in the ass). This love also taught me to challenge myself and grow as an individual. This love put me through my first mini heartbreak. This love was the purest form of puppy love and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
Message to First Bae: Thank you for still choosing me when it was hard. Thank you for putting up with my awkward interactions. Thank you for allowing me to experience you and vice versa.
“The magic of our first love is our ignorance that it can never end.” —Benjamin Disraeli