Hey y’all! Today I want to dive right into it and talk through the end all be all in relationships. I know most times people believe that cheating is the end all be all but what about manipulative partners, emotionally abusive partners, partners that lack the ability to effectively communicate, and last but certainly not least the insecure partners!? To me, yes cheating is bad but all those other traits are just about equal if not worse.
I’ve shared with y’all my journey with the three types of love so y’all know just about where I stand in regards to that. This post is for my millennial girl bosses that are in a situationship of some sort that is simply toxic but you stay because he’s faithful and you think that trumps all the other crappy things he does. False sis, just because you have a faithful man does not mean he is a good man.
In society, we get so caught up in the semantics of what a relationship should look like but don’t take into consideration what a relationship should feel like. On the exterior, you have a man that is handsome, has a good head on his shoulders, smart, a career, faithful, and even has some personality to him. Because of this, as nurturing women, we feel compelled to make it work because he’s checking what we semantically feel are all the right boxes.
Due to all of these attributes that are semantically looking good, we aren’t taking into consideration how he is making us feel. This causes us to further dig ourselves deeper into a hole just because he’s faithful when all along you should’ve left him when he made you feel like you were less than. When he didn’t allow you personal space and patronized you for kicking it with friends. When he talked about you and made you feel like no one else would want you. When he didn’t tell you how he felt rather acted on impulse and did something detrimental to the relationship.
So why do we do it? I think as women we are fixers. We feel we can fix everything as long as the man is faithful when in all actuality faithfulness is one of many attributes we should be seeking in a partner. We need partners that uplift us. Partners that are healed from past traumas and can effectively communicate their feelings. Partners that embrace us spending time alone or without them because they understand the idea of space. Partners that understand the catch we are and never make us feel like they are the best we will ever get rather understand we can always do better. Even beyond what our partners are understanding, sis we need to understand and exude it! A man can pick up on a woman’s weakness and will use it to his advantage the same way women can pick up on a man’s weakness.
Millennial girl bosses are killing it right now. We are breaking the glass ceilings of male dominated fields yet still allowing the same men we are dominating in the workforce bring us down in our personal lives. Let’s change that narrative. Let’s challenge ourselves to call out our weaknesses and understand them so that you can tell when your beginning to get taken advantage of. Let’s challenge ourselves to heal and find inner peace so that we can attract someone worthy of our time because let’s face it our time is completely of the essence. Let’s get on these men necks and not put up with sub par excuses or lower our expectations to the point where it’s no longer what we want. Sis, even though 2020 didn’t start off right… use this quarantined time to get in touch with yourself so that when hot girl summer officially hits no one, and I mean no one, will be able to interrupt your peace!
“To be loving we willingly hear each other’s truth and, most important, we affirm the value of truth telling. Lies may make people feel better, but they do not help them to know love.” – Bell Hook