Hey y’all! Today I want to talk through being a hater. Now when I say hater, I’m not describing myself as the Webster dictionary version rather the urban dictionary version which breaks it down as the following:
Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesnt really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock somelse down a notch.Urban Dictionary
Now, after reading that I know a lot of y’all are like, “ok you know what you lost me! I never want to bring anyone down a notch”… but let me defend myself. I call myself a hater because sometimes when I see someone doing something that I want to do or sometimes don’t want to do I do get a little envious of them. I begin to question myself and wonder ok what am I doing wrong?
I honestly look at myself as a very successful person but it’s moments where I can take to social media and see someone accomplish a major goal and I’m instantly doubting all the success I’ve thought I had. I start to wonder ok am I doing enough? I start to push myself harder. I start to wonder why not me? I start to get a little mad. I start to dissect and go through the moment I went wrong and try to find an alternate route. I start to do research and see ok how can I do better.
I went to a friend and my partner and they both said an iteration of the same thing. Basically to stop calling myself a hater and what’s for me is for me. Y’all! I know I talk the good talk and can write a good blog about knowing how to appreciate everything that misses me and my journey is my journey but I have my moments where I’m like ok journey, when am I going to get all the many things that I want?
This conversation then had me wondering am I bad friend or person because of this? No, I’m not! Everything I told them and described to them are all forms of motivation and the way it’s exuded out of me isn’t negative at all. When someone shares a win with me, I win as well because not only are they motivating me to do better they are also literally showing me that it’s possible. I’ve never been a hater about anyone’s success rather the comparison of their success versus mines.
Now y’all know I take everything personal so this is a direct reflection of that. I look at other people success and began to dissect and compare mines to theirs. I begin to wonder ok why am I not an engineer despite the fact that I never even thought about studying that in school. I begin to wonder ok why don’t I have 5 kids despite the fact that I’m still a child myself and literally going crazy just thinking about it. I begin to wonder why don’t I have a beautiful home despite the fact that I’m literally in the process of obtaining something completely different. Y’all see where I’m going? Sometimes I compare situations that aren’t even in the scope of where I’m going and even desire to go in my life.
So why do I do it? I think I do it mostly because it’s there and I can do it. Social media can be the most toxic thing but it can also be the most fulfilling if you use it right and know your boundaries. Going into this year, I told myself no more IG because I know how deep of a rabbit hole I go down with it. Although I needed it to launch my blog widely within my social network, I still delete it every night and limit myself to a couple of hours a day. I try to follow people that inspire me to be better and motivate me that it’s possible. My favorite people to follow are my public health baes or natural hair guru’s because their journey is very similar to mines and they allow me to see possibility within myself.
So for all my Millennial girl bosses that can be a hater from time to time trust and understand you are not alone! It’s human nature to initially be a little selfish and feel as though you want things that others have just make sure it’s exuded out of you positively and from a motivating place in the end. I have to remind myself daily that, just like everting that’s mines is already mines… everything that’s theirs has already been theirs as well!
“What I know now is that when we derive our worth from the relationships in our lives—the intimate ones, the social circles we belong to, the companies we work for—we give away our power and become dependent upon external validation. When that is taken away, our sense of value, and identity, goes with it.” – Elaine Welteroth