Hey y’all! I’m here today to talk through this weird feeling I’ve been having surrounding what’s next in my life. I feel like I’ve kind of hit on this in the past but as of late it’s been weighing on me HEAVILY! So in this post I’ll give a mini update on my life, talk through these feelings of uncertainty I’ve been having, and my goals to persevere.
Ok, so my life update isn’t to crazy long because whenever people ask me what’s new I always say, “can’t complain, my life has been real routine as of late!” Honestly y’all, that is the truth! I love talking to my friends that have a lot going on because I get a sense of feeling some excitement through them because I really feel like all I do is work, social media, chit chat with friends and family, go out Friday and/or Saturday, do my chores on Sunday, and repeat. Every single week, this is my life.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I may switch it up by going grocery shopping on Saturday or talking to a different friend but for the most part the routine stays pretty consistent. At one point I thought I loved the idea of monotony for the sake of my sanity but as I keep doing it over and over I’m like ok sis, when are you going to switch it up or what are you really doing?
Currently, I feel this level of content with thriving within all these aspects of my life that I once strived for but now second guessing. It’s like I strived to make myself take it all in and now I’m like how much more can you take in? It’s been 4 months since I’ve closed on my building and I feel like it’s time for me to start applying more pressure on myself in fear of being stagnant.
So then, in true Syd fashion, I started reflecting on why I was feeling this way and I’ve discovered that this feeling of uneasiness comes from me not having a big goal I am trying to reach. At one point in my life obtaining my bachelor’s degree was that goal, after that, it was to get my master’s, after that it was my career, & recently it was my building. Now, I’m like ok what’s next? I’m yearning for that feeling of determination to get something that seems like the impossible but struggling to find what I want to place my passion and perseverance behind.
It’s so many things I want to do and entertain the idea of but nothing I’ve felt intrigued enough with to start. I have these ideas roaming through my head then if it stays there long enough I’ll actually start doing little random Google searches on where to even start. After, I’ll psych myself out and be like never mind maybe I’m being too ambitious and go to the next thing. Then I’ll hop on social media and see all my insta friends being true Girl Bosses and following their dreams of whatever that may be then I challenge myself again. It’s like a never ending cycle that I’m completely in control of that I just refuse to hop out of.
So now I’m here, writing this post to sort of get my feelings out there to validate them so I know it’s real. In hopes that I’ll manifest exactly what it is I want to do that’s right and divinely made out for me. I’m not going to sit here and spill all the tea on what I have going on in my brain because sis I’m not there yet, but I will go so far to say, give me 2 years and I’ll be making another post about how I just did something crazy!
To my insta friends, no actually Facebook friends because y’all know I’m iffy with IG because I’m the deactivate Queen, please keep sharing y’all wins with me! I see you sis and go tf off!! I see so many people starting businesses, going back to school, traveling the world, and choosing them unapologetically and I love this for y’all! I see representation of a version of myself I continuously aspire to be and I be needing it so thank you, sincerely!
To me, sis you got this! You said this was the year to provide yourself grace so please stick to that. Simply put as some influencer on social media once stated, when it’s your turn go crazy! Love you always and forever.
“The more you get set into your own world, the smaller your world becomes.” -J. R. Rim