Hey y’all! I’m back with yet another blog post but the theme is, SMB-Day – Emo Edition! I’ve said this time and time again but y’all, I will be 30 one week from today and I am in my feelings real bad!!!!
I’m at a point in my life where I am fortunate enough to have my main stressor be myself and y’all, it’s annoying! When I think about this point in my life, I think my fellow Libra, Will Smith summed it up perfectly with this quote from his book that stated, “The thing about money,sex, and success is that when you don’t have them, you can justify your misery. When you do, you have to dig deeper and realize it’s you.” Y’all, a quote has never resonated so deeply with me in a while but this one really did it!
I’m grateful for where I am in life for sure but also, it’s making me dig deeper into different miseries I am continuously working through and why they are still so daunting to me. It’s forcing me to be real with myself and truly see the role I play in my life. It’s so easy to place blame on others but when it comes to holding yourself accountable for all the misery you’re allowing to evade your space it gets hard. & Y’all that’s exactly where I am walking into 30!
As I’m reflecting, I’ve noticed in my life I look at everyone and everything I take on as a project while unconsciously having all these mini projects I’m working on simultaneously. I’m currently in the process of shifting that mindset and looking at myself as the project and everyone else are either pieces of the project or obstacles that will make the project even harder. By shifting my way of thinking, this is allowing me to look at myself as the main focus and not everyone else. It will also allow me to understand that my project means my rules and hopefully gain some confidence behind the choices I make and truly standing on them!
In therapy the other day, my therapist asked me, “What is a perfect life for you?” I responded where I can unapologetically be me and people understood and accepted me for just that. That response is still coming from an external validation standpoint and honestly I’m trying to change it when I’m asked it again a year from now! I am a being that craves attention and acceptance and it’s probably because I lacked it at some point in my life. NO MORE! The only acceptance I need is from within and everyone else’s is just an added bonus.
So as I walk into 30, my word of the year is reclaim! I am reclaiming my time, reclaiming my energy, reclaiming my peace, reclaiming just about anything that I damn well please… unapologetically! I am not sure how I plan to do any of this but I do have the confidence that I will accomplish it and be a better person on the other side because I chose to do it.
Here is to another year around the sun! Love y’all! 😘
“Knowing yourself is first step towards self reclamation” – Amit Gupta